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So I survived Florida. Philly has been pretty decent to me since I got back about a week ago. I had the realization that I still don't know how to deal with crushes, which makes me feel eternally 15. Otherwise, life is alright. Today has been all about researching music. It started off with the idea of playing a weird mix of alt country and noisy, droney stuff on my radio show tomorrow night and has since morphed into ... well, it's a bit out of control, though not in a bad way.

I dropped by the bar late last night and ended up in a really solid discussion with somebody who I've never much talked to before except in passing. When I'm in a shittier mental/emotional space, I feel like that's most of my social circle. When I'm not, I feel elated to connect with another person who I've known for years but am not particularly close with at all. I know a lot of people. That is a topic for another post.

But we talked for a long time, just shooting the shit and telling stories and talking about traveling and people and all sorts of things. She told me that she's buying a house soon and is going to need people to live in it and maybe one of those people could be me. I almost jumped up and down with giddiness. I'm still stuck at my old place. Honestly, it's not that bad. My room is huge, my rent is cheap, the location is pretty good. My only (oft repeated, by now) beef is that it's a completely anti-social house. I just haven't moved out cause my room is huge, the rent is cheap, and the location is pretty good.

The whole situation is annoying and makes me feel like a bit of a failure. That's probably also a topic for another post. Or not, cause I feel like I've talked about that enough. I hope that I can stop worrying about this in the near future because I'm obnoxiously sick of obsessing over it.

Story of my fucking life, eh? Weird awkward obsessions and the world not making sense. Quick, somebody teach me how to play the guitar! I'll make millions!

----

For the tl;dr crowd, here's my life in a paragraph:

I have thousands of records and a broken turntable. Unpublished interviews with Alec Empire and Amanda Palmer, amongst others. One paper to hand in for my degree and no real energy to work on it. I don't need discipline as much as a Ritalin prescription. Or maybe it's the other way around?
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I'm in a medical study and so far I haven't gone crazy. I'm pretty okay with that. Last time I was in here I had three friends with me and it was actually not that bad. I've been doing these things for so long now that you'd think I'd be used to it. But I'm not, which is honestly probably a good thing. I'd be worried if I could get used to this sort of environment.

I don't really have much to report back about. I was contemplating a two week trip out to SF with a foray down the coast to meet Rachel in San Diego (SD?) but I don't see that happening. I think it's because I'm trying to move out of my house and anyway I'm just feeling so overwhelmed with life that skipping town shouldn't be my path. I'd like to think that it's because I'm getting mature in my old age but I really don't have that much faith in getting things done. Leaving for most of February, however, won't help that at all.

At the same time, I really haven't gotten much done during the past week. I always have these grandiose plans for when I'm in studies, that I'm going to finish up long-abandoned projects or read a dozen books. Really all I end up doing is watching as much Law and Order as possible and trying to ignore all the bros. And there's a lot of bros.

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June 2016

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