suvroc

Good morning. I'm still in the medical study. I might be let out today but I'm not counting on it. I mean, hell, every day we're in here is an extra $180, so they can keep me locked up for a couple more and I won't be too upset. It's not like they're pumping us full of drugs or constantly sticking us with needles. In fact, we don't have any more blood draws. All we have to do now is waste collection. This is not a problem.

I didn't get that internship I mentioned a couple entries back. I'm pretty bummed about it, but whatever. I'm feeling very... I don't know, I'm kind of feeling like a huge failure, but that might just be because I've been stuck here for the past 13 days straight and I have very little to show for it. It's hard for me to work - in this case, work mostly means grant writing and some graphic design - in an environment that is pretty much empty of stimulation. On the other hand, I'm making money. Life is funny like that.

They've been giving us once-daily furloughs since Saturday. It's almost cute, taking a "field trip" with three or four other guys from the study. We're a real motley crew. That's a lie. They look relatively uniform: Late 20s, fit, African-American, pretty fashionable. And then there's me, large beard, dreads with pieces of metal hanging off of them, dressed all in black. And we're all wearing matching ID bracelets from the hospital. The first time the nurse took us out, I was tempted to wear my flip flops with socks, to match my physical to my emotional. Also, it would up the "bunch of mental patients being rewarded for good behavior" look I was hoping for. That was three days ago, I guess, our first foray into the outside world in 10 days. It was a very odd experience to go from the tiny clinical research unit, average population eight (including a couple staff), to downtown Philadelphia at four in the afternoon.

--

I've been downloading a lot of music, stuff I've always been curious about or haven't listened to in a long time or something in between. First two Van Halen albums, a Ramones anthology, Cockney Rejects, Agalloch, a bunch of Aesop, the newest Kanye, Nausea, Botch, The Pop Group... Weakling, too. Probably some more. It's been nice. There's a lot of holes in my knowledge, mostly due to the way I've always listened to music. "You say this band is popular? I'm not interested!" was my mantra from 1997 to 2006 or so, when I finally started catching up on music that I ignored on principle in the past. It's good to know the classics, you know? I can't exactly get into the Van Halen, but it's good enough and is hugely influential and listening to it has been fun.

--

And finally, a poll:

For these questions, I want you to assume that these fantasies do not require that those acting them out be of a specific background. Which is to say, I'm assuming that if you and your partner are both white and you wanted to role-play a plantation scene that you would still do it, even though it's not going to be 100% authentic. Hah!

[Poll #1362942]

I was going to include a couple links out to an article on Nazi exploitation porn (Ilsa!) and the such but I don't want to skew the results. Do your own research!